There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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