I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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