I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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