My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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