$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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