took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
