I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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