If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
