Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My penis needs a shock collar
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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