OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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