There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
