and she was petting her beer can
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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