: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
