Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
