Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
