If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
