Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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