my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
