Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what day is it and did you see me today?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
