someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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