I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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