he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
