omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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