Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
