Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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