Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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