remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
