in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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