If that was your dad, he is hot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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