I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
