Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish you could order shots online.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
