Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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