Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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