I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
