I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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