you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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