So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
