you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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