hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
