AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
