I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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