elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
