This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
