summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
