If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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