What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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