perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
