So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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