I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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