I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
