I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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